I was thinking of where I could put this before I forgot to much of it , and this place popped into mind..... though I was thinking of just making a whole new blog all together, I feel like I've just "outgrown" this one or something......every time I come back to write in here, it feels like when you are digging through a box or a closet and find something saved that you forgot you had , but your not really sure if it is giving you a bad feeling or a good one to see it again..... I don't think I've been thrilled by seeing "me" in a past tense sort of light. which is ironically how I felt about who I was in my dream that I wanted to log somewhere . ( and I shit you not this is really how my crazy mind works at night )
sooooooo, as far back as I can remember .... I basically remember nothing about myself other than I wake up and my apartment is empty , I wonder down the street into this restaurant, wearing some sort of white gown and I'm barefoot ( some how not noticing the world or myself has changed in any way ) and only mins after being there do I realize something is not right , I am suddenly just overwhelmed with complete panic , can't breathe , I am terrified ,I see my feet are bloody and cut and scratched and they sting and they are dirty ..all of me is dirty, I know there is someone I am not with that can make this panic feeling go away but I don't know who it is or how they were lost to me , I remember nothing, other than the apartment I woke up in was empty and for some reason I want to be at this restaurant ..and now I am starting to remember this missing person.... In the restaurant there is 3 men and 2 women there , I don't remember them but something tells me I "know" them because there is a doctor there and they are explaining to him that I have these "episodes" and he tells them it is OK and it's common in our time, and I am suffering from random bouts of ( and I'm not kidding) "agoriph" ( wow way to go with the originality there brain ) .... he tells them that it's a complete panic state ( no shit) .....and that the only way for me to be brought of this state is to be with my "matched person" . This is when I FINALLY start to look around and figure out I am in some sort of post-apocalyptic setting, and someone is definitely missing. This doctor hands me 2 red pills and one blue pill and tells me to take them , and while I can't breathe and for some reason still don't want to speak , I KNOW there is a reason I don't want to take them , fortunately (or unfortunately for me ) as I am about to be forced into taking them I realize the restaurant I am in is also partly a furniture store??? wtf??? what can I say it's a dream..... ( this part gets a tiny bit funny but also terrifying ) A man comes frantically running in starring at all of us and I shit you not starts yelling the word " MEEEEEAT" he has green foam coming out of his mouth and I don't want to say he really looks like a zombie , but I'm kind of getting that feeling as he is also covered in blood , I stand there frozen , because I know him , and he sees me and as everyone else is starting to run to the back of the store the doctor pulls out a gun and aims it at me and as he does the " meat man " well lets just say I'm pretty sure he ate him , ( I didn't look) and I realize he is not shouting out a warning of any kind and he is out of his freeeekin MIND.... ( apparently I am also blond in this dream as well) I notice the other man is yanking me and dragging me and yelling at me to run from him , but I can't move , this man literally drags me by my arm ( I mean dragging my whole body not just pulling my arm) and I can't stop watching the bloody man chasing us screaming " MEAT!" (haha) finally the man dragging me gives up and he releases me and then I am finally able to get up and run on my own and I follow them , as I run through the door to a back room at the back of the store , the man barricades the door and we run with the rest of the group through all these rows of forgotten furniture into another room and another room and each rooms tarts looking more and more like someones living space , but I just keep following them till finally we come to this tunnel that goes to underneath the store and drops into all this water , I cannot tell you how good this water felt , I wanted everything else to just go away and swim in it forever ,but the group is thinking of what we can do to escape or where we should go so I start swimming down and notice there is they places you can swim through and pop out somewhere else , but the group tells me we can't go there and that we have to get out of the water and keep running and again the dream continues to surprise me with weirdness as I look and as far as you can see are rows and rows of tall couches ( kind of like something you would see in Alice in wonderland) as we are about half way down the "meat man " has found us and splashes down into the water we were just in and everyone starts to run faster..... we get to the end and there are these huge gates with men in funny suits guarding the gates , and 2 other guys who look like some sort of doctors or professors , we are frantically telling them this man is chasing us and so the one doctor starts to inspect all of our wrists and lets us through one by one until he gets to me . He is asking me questions about who I am and where did I come from and how do they know me , and if I suffer from "agoriph" and who is the father to my baby ??? say whatttt?? of course I am completely confused and feel sick and I still refuse to speak , or maybe I just can't I'm not sure which because I don't even try to talk , I don't want to . So he decides he is not going to let me through the gate and pushes me back out to the guards , one of the men and the 2 women are up ahead and are busting open a huge metal door and the other 2 men proceed to "beat the shit out of" the guards and doctors and drag me through the gate and close it just minutes before "Meat man" comes ( PHEW THAT WAS CLOSE DREAM) ..... This is when I start to finally realize who "meat man" is , he is my "match" I realize this because after the gate closes I still don't want to run from him and as I see him up close ( without risk of being eaten) I Know him and oddly he still makes me feel calm ( sort of) maybe calm is not the right word, maybe just more complete.... and I talk to him and Tell him I love him and I am sorry I cannot remember anything and that I have to leave him and I am just overwhelmed with grief because he stops his rage and is just looking at me with that look like he knows what I am saying , he keeps looking back n forth from my face to my stomach and trying to groan something but I can't understand him , I am like ( HELLO FINALLY) aware that I am possibly pregnant? so I assume this is what he is trying to tell me ...so I shake my head yes to tell him I know, but he just shakes his head no and starts to go into a rage ( apparently time must have been standing still ) because I am all of a sudden yanked by the arm back into this room with the group and this DEATHLY piercing siren is going off and they are telling me we have to leave and hide . But I refuse to leave without him . Thinking they will just leave me behind and close the big metal door ..but instead they insist I have to go through the metal door because it wont open again EVER and men in suits will come soon to kill "meat man" and will take me away . So they do what you would expect in this fucked up dream , they let him through the gate , tackle him ,and stab him with a syringe and then as he goes limp they tie him up with rope and we DRAG him with us like some kind of animal . We finally get through the metal door and there is another group of about 8 or 9 people. They are obviously not happy that Me or what I'm assuming is my grotesque zombie like lover slash baby daddy are there. and instantly demand we be treated and quarantined and that I have to remain sealed up in my own room away from him until I give birth and they can take the baby and kill it , I hear them talking about me so I grab him and run and lock us both in a room ...... which is weird because it's a child's room , a toddler bed and toys are everywhere and it smells of a child.... and he starts to wake up but I just lay in the bed hoping that if I pretend to be asleep he won't start groaning and going into zombie rage giving us away to the group ......... I slowly start to open one eye to see what he is doing and when I see him I'm shocked , he is normal !! ( phew , thanks dream! ) I instantly fall to him and untie him and we just sit there huddled for what seems forever and all I can do is cry on him, he finally starts telling me everything but I am not listening ( hah! ) .... I hear him tell me my name is Anna , and that we were matched and I am carrying his child , but he left because he was being infected and that he was going to come back for me when he had the medicine for me . oh and here is another DREAM MOMENT .... he has a BACKPACK! what ??where the hell did that come from ???? he pulls out clothes for both of us , uni bomber hoodies and socks and shoes ( Oh thank god sweet sweet socks and shoes , wipes and ointment and bandages for our feet and hands , so we get all cleaned up and dressed , he tells me I have to get rid of my cell phone ( wtf how you carry a cell phone in a white flowy gown is beyond me , but I go with it ) they are tracking us through the cell phone so he takes it apart and takes the chip and shoves it under the bed and then we sneak out of the room and we are running down this hallway and then I WAKE UP ( thank god) ......
And now my dream in pictures ..because I'm bored
